Back to the shore for you

Organizing Qin Ciyan's life's work is a time-consuming task.

Doctors are often very busy, and Xie Qingcheng is not able to multi-task as much as he used to because of his medication. He thought about it and finally agreed with Li Ruoqiu to leave the hospital and become a teacher at the university.

Li Ruoqiu had already lost her feelings for Xie Qingcheng at that time, and it was around this time that she met the married man she later cheated on her with, so she didn't care so much about Xie Qingcheng, and whatever he said was fine with her.

But Xie Qingcheng had always been an extremely responsible person, and he married Li Ruoqiu after deciding to take the extended-release RN-13 medication and become a normal person. If he only lived to 40 and would die, or if his disease was uncontrollable, he would not drag a weak woman down with him.

Although he is somewhat emotionally indifferent, he is doing his best to live as a normal person, except that Li Ruoqiu is pursuing hot love.

That's what Xie Qingcheng couldn't give her.

In fact, Xie Qingcheng had thought that if he went to college, he could always spend more time with his wife during the summer and winter vacations, although he did not know how to be romantic, but watching movies, strolling down the street were always something he could do, and in his opinion, it was also an obligation that he should fulfill.

The resignation is typed and ready to be handed in.

But then something happened at Shanghai First Hospital that made Xie Qingcheng put her resignation on hold.

--

"Why are these security measures being removed?"

"Oh, this one." The staff member who was busy dismantling the scanner at the entrance scratched his head, "I don't know, I think it's because of the press interview?"

"Shouldn't press interviews support increased security at hospitals after Qin Ciyan?"

Another worker was a bit more nosy, and seeing Xie Qingcheng's interest in communicating with them, he went over and said mysteriously, "That reporter has some ideas, and he thinks that there is no head to write about what others have reported. People think of a whole new angle to look at the problem, you see, how high the heat of his special comment."

Then he handed his dirty, oil-stained cell phone to Xie Qingcheng.

Xie Qingcheng took a look at it, it was a large portal website at that time. The headline was a hot social commentary, and next to it was a photo of a special commentator, a thick-necked man wearing glasses, with a seemingly kind face, but a sinister look when he looked closely.

Xie Qingcheng stood in the hospital's crowded lobby and took a few minutes to read the review carefully.

It has to be said that words are sometimes a far more gruesome thing than physical violence. Where the narrow alleys are short, killing like grass is not heard.

That reporter-commentator took another angle, writing about the added hassle and pain of patients seeking medical treatment after hospitals stepped up security.

"Whether pregnant women and children, or the oldest old man, must be examined at the entrance to the hospital, the hospital entrance is often a long queue. Reporters see those patients who have been deeply entangled in the pain of disease, waiting anxiously in the open air, can not help but reflect on the protection of the safety of health care workers is certainly necessary, but the state advocates the convenience of the people's services, especially medical convenience services, whether it has become an empty talk? And is the hospital overkill?"

That report seemed to have a calm tone, but threw out many arguments that were inflammatory enough.

Xie Qingcheng is not a fool, he reads very well.

After Qin Ciyan was killed by the medical troublemakers, the security measures of Shanghai First Hospital were upgraded, which was indeed criticized. The hospital originally wanted to transition this way, and then slowly improve the convenience of the security check up, who would have thought that a paper special comment, but stirred up the waves of a thousand layers, especially those patients full of sadness at the door holding umbrellas waiting to enter the photo in order, in the network at a very fast speed to spread up.

Worried about being interviewed, the leaders of Shanghai Medical Center removed the detector that was temporarily set up at the entrance, hoping to reduce the risk of public opinion in this way, of course, there is also an explanation to the doctors, the number of security guards patrolling the hospital is still three or four times as many as in the past.

Here's how the hospital appeased the doctors - "Let's understand that reducing doctor-patient conflicts has to start at the root of the problem, not with a single instrument."

So this became nihilism.

Who doesn't know that doctor-patient conflicts have to be cured at the root of the problem?

But what is the root of the conflict? It's human nature.

But human nature is not able to be treated by doctors, human nature if the disease, the disease to the community, then there is a need to have a bottom line has the ideal of journalists, artists, self-media workers ...... to let them throw guns and daggers to kowtow to the conscience of the group, they need a tolerant, accept a hundred schools of thought of the environment, to brew a dose of medicine can be healing the heart of the lead. This process will be very long, maybe need ten years, twenty years, need a lot of people's blood and tears, simmering heart consuming life, need to keep throwing tiny stones to the profit-oriented giants, need to shoot fragile arrowheads to the ignorance, bigotry, insidiousness, hatred and so on, these monsters that inherently exist.

And it is in the constant struggle between ignorance and aura, tolerance and narrow-mindedness, humanity and bestiality that human culture has left a blood-splattered trail in the long river of history.

Evil fruits don't grow in three days, and removing them doesn't happen in three days.

At this time, to say "fundamentally change the doctor-patient relationship" and give up the protection of doctors is a kind of grandiose surrender of the hospital leadership to ignorance.

"I'm not saying you're wrong to be like this, Auntie, please bear with me as I explain ......"

"Chief, I'm really too tired, I haven't had a sip of water since I came into the clinic this morning."

"We all need to learn from Prof. Qin and dedicate our lives in our positions."

Encouraging kindness is a timeless truth.

But if it gets to the point of encouraging sacrifice, then it is horrible.

Xie Qingcheng watched quietly from the hospital.

Doctors seem to have become very tense, bound by an invisible rope, trapping them on the altar of the "white angel", forcing them to place their loved ones, children, freedom and even their lives behind their profession.

But that's not necessary.

You can't begrudge someone for always being selfless, but rather you should go ahead and be infinitely grateful to them for every selflessness. But be clear that their giving is not to be taken for granted.

The truth, however, is that during that time no one dared to have a conflict with a patient again, no one dared to say a word.

What's even more pathetic is that many of the children who are still young ...... are actually disciples of Qin Ciyan, whom Xie Qingcheng should have called his senior brother and sister.

They are truly trapped on an island, and as long as someone else says, "That's what Qin Ciyan did," no debate is valid, and they can't swim across the island, and in the end, it seems that even they have become numb, forgetting that besides being a doctor, they are also the father, mother, child, lover of others. , child, lover.

Xie Qingcheng saw a sister under such pressure that she had to sign up for a six-month-long exchange program in the mountains, but he knew that her mother had lung cancer and that was the last time she would spend with her on earth.

He saw a freshly minted junior hiding in a corner crying and shivering after a failed surgery, but under such pressure repeatedly asked if he was too mentally challenged and why he couldn't do his best.

He watched them compelled, he watched them go from compulsion to inner numbness, he watched them go from inner numbness to habit.

He felt a pain in his heart.

It hurts too much.

All of this, he thought, was not supposed to be like this.

Where have understanding, gratitude, tolerance gone? Are they destined to die in persecution?

Where has the light, the hope, the goodness, gone? Must they live in sacrifice?

No.

It shouldn't be.

Every human being deserves to live well, and every life must be honored. Sacrifice is great, but it should never be the ultimate criterion for greatness, the highest honor.

Value dignity, value life, value every kindness that someone gives you, and say "thank you" instead of "I want more."

That's what things should look like correctly.

Xie Qingcheng was outside the island, looking at the sisters and brothers inside the island, looking at those who he was not destined to recognize in his life, and could not get a word from them as "elder brother".

He's like, can I get you guys out of here.

Can I take you guys before I go.

So then he negotiated with the woman and acted out a ridiculous farce. In the farce he was the center of the whirlpool, sinking ever lower in the ocean.

He never surfaced again.

He said those, word for word, lines he had prepared dozens of times long ago.

He looked at her, again, as if he were looking not at her, but at the neurosurgeon who had walked between these gray-white floors with a hurried gait countless times.

He saw the old doctor telling the nurse at the desk that if the patient's family had anything to do, just come to me, not Dr. Hsieh, who was pulling the strings for this.

He saw that old doctor telling him that sickness is not something to be afraid of, that you have to believe in your heart and that everything can be overcome as long as you live.

He saw the old doctor marching through the rain with a big umbrella, holding out his hand to himself on the steps, saying, "Are you in pain?

He saw the old doctor ask himself who had decided to make a clean break with the past - "Xiao Xie, what is the purpose of the Book on the Water of the Name of the Long Sleeper here? Why did you write on the wrist wound?"

And he answered him, "Because I want to say goodbye to my past self. That Xie Qingcheng is dead, and I will die in the future, and all the ruins of my life will be like words written on water, eventually disappearing into thin air. I just want to be worthy of the life I have, and I want to do something right."

The old doctor smiled and touched his head, "That's good, a person's life is about not giving in no matter what difficulties he encounters and living towards his heart. I'm happy that you can think this way."

"Shay, I don't think I saved you wrong."

At the end of the day, Xie Qingcheng looked at the man in Yanzhou's hospital room, the man he had seen for the first time when he woke up from the stupor of the car accident.

The man had eyes much like his father's.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and opened them again--

In front of him was the woman who had pressed him and argued and spilled the beans with him in front of the entire hospital.

He looked at her, but not at her, he was looking at the shadow of Qin Ciyan, at the place where Qin Ciyan had walked, and he finally spoke, and he said--

"In my opinion, a doctor's life is far more important than a psychopath's."

Your life, far more important than mine.

Old Qin, do you understand?

Why did you make that choice? Why didn't you let Yi Beihai be the first one to find me?

I am nothing more than a patient, a sufferer, a living dead, an ordinary person, a life stealer who has been living on the earth for more than a decade.

Why do you value my life more than yours?

He fell in deep in the center of the vortex and kept sinking ...... down ...... down ......

The light slowly faded from view.

The argument is over.

He has been criticized and slandered.

But fortunately, the hospital has thus panicked again, fearing that there will be another such intensification of doctor-patient conflicts.

But that's not enough ......

That wasn't the last step, he thought.

Xie Qingcheng finally stood at the lectern of the commentary title and told everyone, word for word--

He's resigning.

He said he was afraid.

He said he cringed, he was just a regular doctor. He didn't want to lose his life in this position, and he had a good day ahead of him.

He knew that when he said those words, he was already a target.

The mentors and siblings he was trying to redeem would never know the truth.

They will spit on him and clamor against him, and he will be sarcastic and mean to them, saying that their teacher-

His benefactor.

His half-father.

The most compassionate man he will ever meet--

"Blame."

Until a long time later, Xie Qingcheng still didn't know by what kind of ruthlessness he had relied on at that time, saying these four words firmly and viciously, as if they were true.

He took off his title tag and put it back on the flannel pad.

He raised his eyes and said, This is my last option.

Let me go into the darkness. That's where I came from.

You just can't be that stupid in the future, you have to learn to say no, you have to learn to defend yourselves, you have to realize that death is not the only way out of the self-evident light, living well is.

My teacher once protected me with his own life.

The time has come for me to use my reputation, to protect you.

I hope you will in the future ......

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and left the conference room in stride, with a shocking clamor behind him.

I hope that in the future, you will not have to trade blood and life for ideals, praise, and medals.

I hope you are all well in the future.

That, I think, was Qin Ciyan's life's work.

In 2017, a few weeks after Qin Ciyan's untimely death, Xie Qingcheng left Shanghai Medical Hospital with the name of a coward on his back.

In the same month, for fear of the negative feelings of doctors arising from this incident, the hospital administration, after careful consideration and study at the meeting, decided to respond to the community on the necessity of the hospital's security check facilities and to reset the system to ensure the safety of medical and nursing staff, and pleaded for the patients' understanding, promising to upgrade and improve the equipment as soon as possible, so that the patients would not be kept waiting for a long time and the safety of medical and nursing staff would be safeguarded.

Xie Qingcheng can't enjoy these treatments.

He went back to Stormy Lane alone, with disbelief, controversy, scorn, and suspicion.

Alone, leaving the place that gave him a second life.

When he was a teenager, he wanted to be a police officer.

Then his real parents died, and his quest for the truth left him with no choice but to turn his past dreams into a scar on his wrist.

Growing up, he became a doctor.

Yet his mentor, who had been a half-father to him, departed, and he lost his home for the second time so that his successor would not have to be trapped in a moral prison.

He's the man from the grave.

He's going back to the grave after all.

After leaving the company, Xie Qingcheng was in a very unstable state of mind because of the mental pain and stress she had suffered.

Though with his usual self-control and the help of special drugs, he was able to control himself perfectly and live like a normal person. But that one blow was just too much.

Xie Qingcheng couldn't even go to a college or university to find a job for a while.

He was well aware of his condition, he couldn't afford any more torture, even if he was calm, he would still break down.

And if he breaks down, he doesn't know what the consequences will be, if he will hurt his wife, his sister, his neighbors ......

He was unable to take care of himself; he devoted all his energy to organizing Qin Ciyan's writings, and only in those familiar strokes and words could he find respite and peace.

There are people and things that he can only ruthlessly cut off and leave behind even if they are in the same boat again.

--

"That's why I resigned as your personal physician."

In the cold reservoir, Xie Qingcheng murmured softly, in the face of death, he finally said all the secrets that he has been sealed for too many years.

"I chose to sink my teeth into what he hadn't done, instead of staying on with you. I was practically a wreck by then ...... Perhaps you never could tell, you would have thought I was pretending to be nice and calm, no different from usual."

Xie Qingcheng paused, and the piercing water seemed to condense his life.

"But my heart was broken. My kernel had rotted ...... There was no way I could teach you anything more at that point, He Yu. I made the choice to give up."

"...... That's the whole truth."

He Yu listened to his story and didn't make a sound for a long, long time.

In the empty silence of the studio, only Celine Dion's melodious singing echoed.

The waterline, which had been in the process of telling these past events, had risen to the top, and now the tops of their heads were touching the dome boards.

In a few minutes, death lies ahead.

He Yu eventually whispered, "So ...... you had planned to take all this to the grave?"

"Yes."

"You were going to say nothing."

"Right."

"You ...... look at me so sad, you see I have been in the original place trying to find a person who can understand me, but you yourself are, but you do not say anything, you do not tell me anything ......" He Yu's eyes are finally red, he forced Xie Qingcheng in the water, in the constant questioning Xie Qingcheng, his voice are hoarse, I do not know whether it is to feel ridiculous, sad, or heartbroken, confused, "you just tell me a little bit of the truth, I can understand you, I am able to let you go! ...... You and I are two people in this society who can't blend in, Xie Qingcheng! Why won't you tell me you are too? Why won't you hug me and let me hug you too? You what ...... you know everything ...... but you don't say anything ......"

His tears trickled down his face and dripped into the pool.

"I'm cold ...... Xie Qingcheng, after so many years, aren't you cold? Aren't you cold ......"

He looked at him as he thought about the pile of conversations Xie Qingcheng had had with him.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face.

He had never cried like this in front of anyone, even in the face of death, he was able to listen to an elegant song and smile calmly as he tilted his head to meet it.

But at this moment, he knew that he had a kindred spirit that still existed in this world.

The one who could completely understand him, feel his pain, and understand his suffering turned out to have been ...... right by his side all along.

Xie Qingcheng told him from the front to get out of his inner shadow by himself.

Xie Qingcheng once asked him, "Kid, don't you feel pain?

Xie Qingcheng had tried to awaken his sanity in despair, telling him that as long as he lived, any difficulty could be overcome.

You have to ...... always trust your heart.

As long as you live, don't give up hope for a moment that you can beat this disease.

These words ...... these words, he once upon a time only took them as the enlightenment of a doctor to a patient.

May turn out to be ......

But it turns out that those were Xie Qingcheng's own words from the bottom of his heart, made from his own blood and tears! It was the cry of grief from the depths of the sea from another Ai Bola patient.

That is the road Xie Qingcheng has stumbled along, the love and hate he has experienced, the blood in his wounds, the tears in his eyes.

Xie Qingcheng said nothing. Can't say anything.

Only by his ...... demented stand.

He stood alone on the reef, quoting a wail that was slow to receive any response above the solitude of the sea - he thought he was the last undead fey dragon.

But it turned out that the "human" on his altar had the same blood as he did, and hid the same horrible wings as he did.

Xie Qingcheng ...... said nothing.

Say nothing!!!

He Yu closed his eyes with great effort, and could not help but hit him and scold him, he questioned him and resented him, full of hatred and annoyance, sadness and distress.

He said, "Xie Qingcheng, I really hate you. This pains me even more than if you didn't tell me the truth. Did you hate me so much that you had to tell me something like this at the end, that you weren't willing to tell me until the end that I was actually never alone, were you?"

He cursed, out of anger.

But in the end, he hugged Xie Qingcheng tightly again--

In cold, shivering, icy water.

In a dark room so stifled that it was nearly impossible to breathe.

In the dim gloom, in no man's land, before life and death.

The dying evil dragon hugged him tightly, crying, cursing and wailing, yet even his fingers and claws trembled, yet it was as if he wanted to strangle Xie Qingcheng's entire being between his own flesh and blood.

They are the two loneliest people in heaven and earth.

Before death comes, one of them finally removes his mask, allowing the other to see their similar faces.

Before death came, one finally took pity on the other and told him that he was not alone in the world.

The water eventually flooded up to the mouth and nose, and life and death were only moments away.

He Yu, with red eyes, looked deeply at Xie Qingcheng--eyes that looked like hatred, like resentment, like forgiveness, like deep depravity, in which there were too many emotions drowning for a time, anxious to live up to the last of his freedom while these eyes could still express joy and sorrow.

Endless summer, in flowers.

Wounded and bruised, the Cthulhu Dragon, burdened with heavy chains, shackles of secrets, and the sin of the forbidden drug, took human form and came to the young dragon's side.

Cthulhu looked at the tiny, huddled child sitting on the steps.

It's like looking at the person you once were across many years of upheaval and agonizing struggle.

He put his hand, which had taken on a human form, out to the young dragon.

The child was reflected in the pupils of his ghostly mirror-like eyes.

He said--

"Kid, don't you hurt?"

He asked because he knew that it hurt.

The pain of the heart and bones is really nothing at all before the pain of numbness and despair.

Xie Qingcheng himself experienced the kind of pain that can crush giants - knowing that he will not live long, feeling useless, and that no pioneer has ever come out of this quagmire alive and had to live in it for the rest of his life.

He knows all of this.

But he can't talk to He Yu. It hurts.

All he could do was ask.

He remembered how the doctor, once upon a time, had comforted himself with bloodied hands. He could only do a poor imitation of it, and then take on the face of a normal person to pick up the cowering young dragon.

He knew He Yu wanted company, a little inspiration from his own kind.

It wasn't that he didn't have the slightest bit of mercy.

But he has so much to do that he is cruel to himself, let alone to He Yu, whose only tenderness becomes the handsome words he signs on He Jiwei's letter of employment.

Being there for him as a therapist and enlightening him while he was still able to do so was all the help he could give him.

This is the last bit of energy Xie Qingcheng has left.

Not much.

But he gave it all to He Yu.

He lost his dreams for the truth.

Lost his health for his sister.

He lost the meaning of living in order to overcome the disease.

And again, for the sake of the meaning of living, lose their peace and tranquility.

He had lost his parents, his half-father, his new home that he had managed to find, his white coat after losing his police rank, and he had to be evicted from the pulpit that had been his last shelter, losing even a desk, in order to protect his brothers and sisters, who didn't even know him.

All his life, since that rainy night, he had never been able to hold anything.

He lost his peace forever.

Even for the sake of clarity of mind, he had to sacrifice even the most basic emotions he was born with - he kept telling He Yu to "be calm". But that wasn't being demanding or commanding.

It was the flesh and blood pale dragon telling the tiny dragon cub how to get the furthest along this thorny path.

It was the mantra that guarded him from having trekked over such distant mountains and waters himself.

He hoped he'd understand.

That's all ...... what he has, what he has left.

He gave companionship to Xie Xue, courage to Chen Man, filial piety to Auntie Lai, and gratitude to Qin Lao.

He gave the protection to the doctor.

Giving knowledge to schoolchildren.

There remained a sick body in which to collect the rest of the sins, the unanswered questions, the secrets, the pains, the invectives-he laid them to rest in this body.

He kept this sick body to himself.

And the experience of this sick body, the suffering he had endured throughout his life, was of no use to anyone but He Yu.

So he left the experience to He Yu.

It was the last thing left in his body after he had torn clean through his flesh and bones, and the only thing he could gift again.

Though He Yu doesn't really appreciate it, always doesn't want it, always thinks what he's saying is wrong, that he doesn't understand, that he can't empathize. But it was also true that he couldn't say anything more, anything more naked.

He had never intended to recognize it, except for this moment, when death came before them both. The dragon would die with his young, and it was only at this moment that he finally sprouted his wings, stretched his spiny tail and head, shook off the dust, and emerged from the cocoon of his mortal body with a mournful cry that shook the hearts of the people on the lonely island.

He turned his head and looked at the Little dragon cub who was staring at him blankly.

Fingers and claws lightly touch.

He said--

That's the whole truth.

He Yu Look at him ......

He Yu is undoubtedly resentful. Deeply resentful. No one can be easily relieved after being deceived for so long.

But in that resentment, there seemed to be another, never-before-seen emotion.

That was the emotion that arose when Little dragon looked at the deep scars that crisscrossed Pale Dragon's body. Those scars were so heavy and deep that they were visible in the blood, the flesh, the bones, and the slow-beating, sickly heart in Cthulhu's chest.

A normal person would have died from such a wound.

If you don't die, you will surely seek death.

Xie Qingcheng, a man who lived every moment of his life by courage, by the power of the human heart, his life was loaded with torture, where there was no enjoyment.

It turns out that the only one of his kind is doing his best to survive like this.

Flooding and up to the eyes.

Gradually the breathing could no longer be coherent, and they could only seize the last bit of air by occasionally leaning back as best they could.

--

But the dome of the studio was not perfectly flat; there was a narrow platform with a sloping angle above it, a place where the water would eventually reach.

Unfortunately, the narrow platform is only big enough for one person to climb up and be alive for a few more minutes.

A few minutes of life can wait that long after another person has been completely overwhelmed, and maybe someone will notice and someone will take that survivor away ......

He Yu was silent - he was silent in the face of the truth without saying a word.

Then he did something that Xie Qingcheng could never have imagined.

He Yu is young and hot-blooded, and under such a depletion, the strength left is much more than Xie Qingcheng.

With this strength that Xie Qingcheng could not resist, he suddenly carried the man onto that narrow platform.

Xie Qingcheng couldn't struggle against him, Xie Qingcheng's strength was lost too much, just one movement, and then He Yu was pressed hard from the water.

The teenager tilted his head and looked at Xie Qingcheng with a pair of red almond eyes.

He Yu didn't say anything else, nor did he know what to say.

His own heart has been messed up, lingering in which I do not know whether it is hate, hurt, pity, regret, can not seek, or disappointment.

He just tilted his head back and looked at Xie Qingcheng, restraining him, not allowing Xie Qingcheng to come down, not allowing Xie Qingcheng to exchange positions with him.

At the moment when the ice water completely submerged his head, He Yu looked at Xie Qingcheng with moist eyes, his lips opening and closing.

The voice was faint, like a drowned corpse in a shipwreck, and the treasure ...... sank quietly into the water.

But Xie Qingcheng was sure he had heard it.

He heard the teenager talking.

Just like the teenager who once risked returning to the fire to also save the sick people who were deep in the fire and perhaps slightly similar to him.

He said, "If you can live. Xie Qingcheng."

"Then you must not remember me as you remember Qin Ciyan."

"Because I hate you, you lied to me, you abandoned me ...... I hate you, I don't want to be remembered by you ...... I have to go first, the loneliest person in the future is you. You have no more kind ...... Xie Qingcheng, you put on the mask and go back to the society of normal people."

"Forget all that."

"You're not that old, and if you can live, you'll still be able to start all over again to get something ...... you never had."

The jellyfish sinks within the ocean, no spinal cord, no heart, no eyes, pure as a cloud falling from the sky.

Outsiders look at them as if they were monsters. How can these ninety-five percent water beings have feelings?

But maybe it's there.

In its short life, it used to love and adore the world.

Perhaps it is because of this deep love that transcends flesh and blood that they have been able to spend those long 650 million years on this earth ......

He Yu gazed at Xie Qingcheng with moist eyes, and then little by little, he was drowned by the water.