Chapter 39: Stubbornness

Qiao Lan only felt her heart pumping violently.

For... What gets scars...

She knew Tan Mo had AS since she was a child, and then had a car accident that crippled her legs, but... Why is there such a hideous scar from the car accident in the first place?

But there's no trace of anything other than this scar, a car accident shouldn't leave such a flat wound, and this trace...

More like scars from a knife or something sharp...

The skin on his legs seemed to be paler than the skin on his face and hands, unlike the legs of boys his age who ran on the playground and played basketball, there were no visible muscles and the curvature of the muscles, and the calves and ankles were unusually thin, not like boys but more like a thin and slender young girl.

At first glance, it is pale, slender, and morbidly beautiful, but behind the scenes, it is the first sign of calf muscle atrophy.

The muscles start to decrease in relative terms, the muscle fibers start to thin a little bit, and finally disappear.

At this moment Tan Mo's legs are marked with blinding scars, his calves are trembling slightly, he bent down in panic and hurriedly pulled the quilt up to cover his legs, Qiao Lan saw that his pale face still didn't have any expression, but his hands gripping the quilt were excessively tight.

He didn't want her to see it.

Didn't want him to see his sick and horrible legs.

But he was in pain, because Qiao Lan saw the bottle of medicine on his bed, which was designed to relieve nerve pain, neuropathy and so on.

Qiao Lan suddenly realized that Tan Mo was not suffering from stomach pain, but from leg pain, nerve pain in the leg.

"You want to take medicine?", Qiao Lan busy ran out and poured water in, according to the instructions on the bottle of pills, took the pills and handed them to Tan Mo, how much the nerve pain hurts Qiao Lan does not know, she can only see Tan Mo's eyes have been pained to the point of laxity, and hastily took out her cell phone, not caring about the fact that it is already so late to call Uncle Chen, but also to call her. Qiao Lan didn't know.

Uncle Chen received a phone call from Qiao Lan at night and was shocked, shocked and busy asking what happened, to be Qiao Lan said relieved but still very anxious, "Every month will hurt so once or twice, no fixed time, he did not go to the hospital, the pain can only take medication can only be hard to get by, the medicine in his bedside drawer, eat two tablets, do not eat more! ...... I will rush back tomorrow morning ......"

Qiao Lan hung up the phone and hurriedly put the pill bottle away, went to the bathroom and soaked the towel in hot water, wrung it out until it was half-dry and then came back in again, reaching down to pull back the covers.

Tan Mo, who ate painkillers but was still in pain and disorganized, was suddenly struck by a nerve when Qiao Lan lifted the quilt, and firmly grasped the quilt, not letting her see it.

"Tan Mo let go," Qiao Lan grabbed his hand away, "Your leg needs a hot compress."

"He knew what Qiao Lan wanted to do, and every time his legs hurt, Uncle Chen would help him with hot compresses and massages. Tan Mo never thought there was anything in what Uncle Chen did, but when Qiao Lan lifted the blanket, Tan Mo had only one thought in his mind: he couldn't let Qiao Lan see it. But when Qiao Lan lifted the quilt, Tan Mo only had one thought in his head, he couldn't let Qiao Lan see it.

He didn't want Qiao Lan to see the ugly scar and the abnormal leg.

He tried to push Qiao Lan's hand away, and looked up at Qiao Lan with a gaze that was both lax and pleading, "Don't look," the teenager's voice, which was always smooth, was trembling uncontrollably because of the pain and embarrassment, "Don't look... It's hard to see..."

"It's not ugly, Tan Mo", Qiao Lan grabbed the teenager's shaking hand, her voice was unprecedentedly soft, as if a slightly louder voice would scare the fragile teenager, "Really, it's not ugly at all, let go will you, Momo, be obedient, take your hand away. "

Little by little, Tan Mo breaks his fingers, removes his hand from the quilt, lifts the quilt again, and the pale skin and hideous scars are exposed again.

Qiao Lan puts a warm towel over Tan Mo's shaking calves.

"Is it hot?" Qiao Lan held the towel in her hand, feeling that it was not very hot, but she was afraid that Tan Mo would be too sensitive to the temperature.

Tan Mo sat stiffly and helplessly on the bed, watching Qiao Lan's hands cover her calves through the towel before she spoke lowly after a long time, "I don't know, I can't feel it."

He didn't know if it was hot or not.

Not only could he not feel the warmth of the towel, he could not feel the strength of Qiao Lan's hands on his legs.

All he could feel was a burst of nerve-rattling pain.

Tan Mo's words were incomparably natural, but Qiao Lan felt indescribably uncomfortable in her heart, and then she remembered that just now Uncle Chen had said on the phone that Tan Mo was completely unconscious below her knees.

He couldn't feel the temperature, and there was no strength, but he could feel the nerves hurting, couldn't he, and if the nerves were hurting then didn't that mean it wasn't to the point of being unrecoverable?

The towel quickly cooled down, Qiao Lan went to the bathroom to re-soak hot water, and after half an hour of hot compresses, Tan Mo's excessively white calves were slightly colored with blood, and the scars also became redder because of the long time exposure to heat.

Tan Mo sat motionless, watching Qiao Lan repeat the compresses over and over again, with great care and concentration.

She seems to be really... Not afraid or embarrassed...

The medicine was gradually taking effect, and the pain was finally less severe. There was still no sense of touch on his calf, but perhaps psychologically, Tan Mo seemed to be able to feel the strength of the hands that pressed on his calf, and he stared at Qiao Lan's hands, watching her remove the towel for the last time, and after a long time, it gently landed on the scar.

Tan Mo steps back uncontrollably again.

Qiao Lan hastily withdrew her hand, "I'm sorry," she said, but then she whispered, "I'm sorry... How did you get this scar? Did you get it in a car accident?"

"No", Tan Mo tried to cover her legs with the blanket again, but this time Qiao Lan didn't cover them with the towel, she pressed her hands directly on her legs, and Tan Mo was so scared that she didn't dare to move.

Uncle Chen said that after the hot compresses, it is best to massage, Qiao Lan is not big, but a little pinch is always good.

"Is that... Someone else hurt it?"

"No," Tan Mo's body tensed again, her hands on either side of her body clenched tightly together.

"I made it myself."

Qiao Lan's hands, which were massaging, froze abruptly.

Did it myself...

Self-harm...

Qiao Lan then remembered that I think there was a mention in the book that Tan Mo suffered from severe post-traumatic stress disorder after the car accident and used to engage in self-harming behavior.

The scar on his leg is a mark from that time.

Qiao Lan eyes can not stop some sour, especially so close to look at this scar, Tan Mo such a person so emotionally retarded, what kind of pain is experienced after the pain, to produce post-traumatic stress disorder will be stabbed in the leg.

Wanting to reach out and touch it, but afraid of Tan Mo's pain, Qiao Lan retracted her hand again, carefully avoiding the wound and resuming the massage.

"I just saw that the bottle of medicine was to relieve nerve pain, Tan Mo, the nerves are still reacting, is your leg still healing."

Tan Mo was silent again.

That's how he reacts once he doesn't want to talk.

Qiao Lan had known him for nearly a year, could see the signs of his lies, and vaguely recognized the meaning of his silence, Tan Mo's leg, might really be cured.

"Why don't you go if you can cure it?"

Because it can't go, and it shouldn't go.

Someone who shouldn't have been born, someone who should have died in that car accident, but by some misadventure survived, and someone who shouldn't have died, died in that car accident.

The defective product is still alive, and his mother, who suffered for half of her life for this defective product, is gone forever because of him.

He would always remember his grandmother telling him that he had been a drag on his mother from the time he was born, that he had been dragging her down for over a decade, and in the end it had even killed her life.

He didn't want to live, but had to because of his mother's last words, but these legs, these legs that were crippled in that car accident, since they were already crippled, let them be crippled forever.

Qiao Lan eventually waited for Tan Mo's answer, but didn't understand what it meant, Tan Mo said.

It's what he deserves.

He wanted to push Qiao Lan's hand away, to tell her that she didn't need to waste her time on these legs, but in the end he didn't, he was a little reluctant to open his mouth.

He couldn't feel the intensity, yet he still lingered on the sensation.

Time gradually passed a little bit, the teenager because of the pain just now the spirit of some weakness, finally slowly closed his eyes, Qiao Lan carefully re-covered the quilt for Tan Mo, sat on the edge of the bed and watched the teenager's pale but exquisite face.

The brow, which never furrowed, knitted slightly in sleep.

Even falling asleep seemed torturous.

Qiao Lan reaches out and gently presses his hand to the teenager's brow, slowly pushing the furrowed brow away.

At eight o'clock the next morning, Uncle Chen rushed back.

After receiving a call from Qiao Lan last night, I couldn't sleep well and drove straight back to the house at dawn.

Tan Mo was too tired to get up last night, and Qiao Lan had been up for half an hour and was packing breakfast from the nutritionist.

Uncle Chen quietly opened Tan Mo's vacation door, went in for a turn and then silently retreated, looking back at Qiao Lan who was in a daze and didn't know what to think.

After shouting at Qiao Lan in a low voice, Qiao Lan then came back to her senses, took breakfast out, sat on the other side of the table, and said after a long time, "Uncle Chen, Tan Mo's leg, it can actually be cured, right?"

Uncle Chen fell silent, and only after a long time did he say, "It can be cured, but it's very difficult, the success rate is less than twenty percent, and the treatment process... It's very painful, and most of all..."

"It's Tan Mo who doesn't want to be cured."

Uncle Chen froze, stared at Qiao Lan for a long time, and nodded with bleak eyes, "Yes, he doesn't want to be cured at all."

It's all retribution, he said.

After coming out of the kitchen, Qiao Lan stood on the balcony and took a deep breath, she had never felt so powerless, she didn't know what to do, she always thought that Asperger's was serious, but what was even worse was Tan Mo's radical and deep-rooted thoughts.

Tan Mo finally got up at 9:30 a.m. He sat in his wheelchair and looked at the girl with her back to him, and his newly awakened and still unconscious head suddenly remembered that last night Qiao Lan had taken care of him for half the night, and had even massaged him with her hands.

The teenager's entire spine steeply straightened again.

Qiao Lan turned his head when he heard the commotion, Tan Mo had just woken up from a nap, his soft hair had not been tidied up yet, a few strands were restless and upwards, the dull hair instantly added more foolishness to the still somewhat stunned teenager.

Qiao Lan suddenly smiled.

Tan Mo looked at the smile on Qiao Lan's face. Facing the sunlight, the girl's smile was even brighter than the sunlight, and Tan Mo subconsciously wanted to return the same expression to Qiao Lan.

But in the end, I didn't know how to laugh, and my facial muscles acted as if they didn't listen to me, and I ended up with the same odd and comical look.

Qiao Lan clapped her hands together and walked over, looking at the teenager, "I figured out what I'm going to do today Tan Mo, let me teach you how to recognize expressions and how to smile."