I'm just a crazy person.

When I was eight years old--

The door to the house opened.

"Dr. Tse, good morning. Dad asked me to come and say hello to you. He wishes I could talk to you more."

With feigned good behavior, but also some real cluelessness, he just stood in the doorway of the guest room, which was carved with endless summer patterns, and bowed to the young medical student sitting at the desk.

The doctor turned back to him and looked at him faintly, "Come in and sit down."

And then, at the age of ten--

He's running down a long hallway, and in his hand is a special lab sheet.

"Dr. Shay, Dr. Shay."

The door opened again, pushed open by the boy.

Xie Qingcheng stood by the window pane, reading a copy of Ode to a Nightingale. The boy's commotion made him frown, and in the light of the sky and the flowers, Xie Qingcheng said to him, "Knock before you enter the house, and how many times have I told you?"

"My indicators are almost normal this time! I'm getting better!" He couldn't contain his excitement, there was a running sweat on his face, "Look, doctor, look."

"If you keep being so emotional, you should deteriorate again."

Xie Qingcheng closed the book of poems, his face was scanty, but he waved a hand to him casually, "Come in. Show me."

And then, at the age of 14--

It was overcast outside and he stood in front of the big, heavy door for a long time, then he knocked.

The door to the house opened once more.

The young man noticed at a glance that the house had become very cold, and Xie Qingcheng's luggage had already been packed.

The answer is whatever is already well understood.

But still, like a dying patient trying to survive, he reluctantly asked him, "Is it true what my mom said?"

"......"

The empty closet, the clean desktop, the suitcase in the corner, all the stillness answered him silently.

But he only looked at Xie Qingcheng, stubborn, good-natured, full of self-respect, yet humble to the core, and asked again, "Is everything she said true?"

Xie Qingcheng, who had an ironed jacket on his hand, sighed and said, "Come in first. Come in and talk."

And finally, still, at the age of fourteen--

Soon after Xie Qingcheng left, He Yu was going abroad. Before his departure, he came alone to the door of this closed guest room, the boy's hair was a bit disheveled at that time, covering his eyes in small pieces.

He stood in silence with his head bowed like this for a long time, and finally he raised his hand and tuk tuk knocked on the door of Xie Qingcheng's room.

Over and over and over.

With a creak, the door opened.

He Yu's heart lifted and he looked in with anticipation, but there was nothing inside - the wind had blown the door open.

The guest room was dim, and inside it looked like an empty, decaying burial mound, like a cooling phantom dream.

He walked in, the only proof that Xie Qingcheng had been here was the last book he left to He Yu about rare diseases in the world, the book was placed on the table by the window, he opened it woodenly, the title page was left with Xie Qingcheng's light blue fountain pen handwriting, the sinewy bones were straight, and through the words you could see the upright man.

To He Yu:

Kid, one day you'll get out of your heart on your own.

I wish, I could believe that.

Xie Qingcheng

repel

The young man raised his hand to touch the coldly penned words, trying to draw from them a little remnant of tenderness, that might allow him to part with him and forget about him forever.

Yet He Yu never admitted that in many subsequent dreams, on the banks of the Thames, on the beaches of Sicily, in the cold and foggy Danish polar nights, in the brilliant and warm Spanish summers.

He all but dreamed from his pillow back to his old villa in Huzhou, to the long, claustrophobic, thickly carpeted hallway.

Dreaming of the wooden door carved with endless summer dark patterns.

Then he dreamed that he knocked on the door, again, and again, sounding helpless and desperate-until the clock struck twelve, and in the dream he used to save himself he dreamed that the heavy door was once more opened from within.

Xie Qingcheng stood in the guest room, as aloof as any time He Yu had needed him when he was a child, yet so dependable, like the best big brother in the world, the strongest man, the most clingy, inseparable doctor-

The man looked at him from top to bottom as if nothing had happened in between.

Only a faint inclination of the head, as before, said, "It's you, kiddo."

"Well, come in and sit down."

--

"Come in and sit down."

"The Kid ......"

But lately everything has changed. Lately, even in late night dreams, He Yu opens the door and there is no one inside.

He could never go back to the hallway he had been in before he was fourteen and push through the door that was filled with light.

Heart suddenly hurts so bad ......

So much so, that He Yu suddenly woke up a-

He woke up to find himself lying on his bed in his bedroom.

The front of his forehead was wrapped in gauze, as were his wrists and ankles.

The bedroom had the curtains drawn, and the AI stereo was blasting the news with one thing or another.

"Shocking the nation in the HU video serial murder case ...... Police revealed ...... that it was a revenge murder, and police found evidence of her acquisition of hacking equipment in the belongings of Lu Yuzhu, one of the case's Lu Yuzhu was one of the suspects in the case. She was a former county party secretary in Qingli County and was the first girl in the area to go to university. Lu Yuzhu majored in computer information security, which the police suspect ......."

The sound is intermittent because of the weak Bluetooth signal.

"Another suspect, Jiang Liping, is currently at large ...... both had an inappropriate relationship with the victim ...... perhaps ...... Cheng Kang psychiatric ...... They were inspired by the Jiang Lanpei killings and wanted to create a horrific atmosphere similar to that of the rumored 'Jiang Lanpei Knight Ghosts Demanding Lives. ...... But that doesn't rule out the possibility that the two knew there was a deeper connection to the Jiang Lanpei incident ......"

The speaker is talking about Jiang Liping on the run.

He Yu lay on the bed, his heartbeat slowly calming down.

The door disappeared in the dream.

He remembered his accidental fall down the stairs.

He didn't move. There was no reaction.

He is still alive ah ...... He didn t feel much surprise. He just listened so woodenly, with a hitch. There had been a lot of follow-up stories about this, bizarre homicides were traffic codes, and any number of hunting claims were out there.

He Yu had been quite concerned about this before, but this moment, waking up from his coma and hearing it on the radio, he only felt numbly--

What's it to him.

Nothing in the world has anything to do with him.

Suddenly, a voice came from beside the bed, "He Yu, you're awake?"

He Yu moved his head, only now realizing that Lv Zhishu was actually there.

She had returned and was sitting worriedly by his bedside, and when she saw him open his eyes, she busied herself with, "Before you-"

A few seconds of silence followed.

He Yu opened his mouth, his voice raspy with first awakening, "I know what happened before."

He reported a certain amount of godly surprise at her presence as he said this, and then said woodenly, "I told you to leave me alone, what are you doing always staying in Huzhou?"

Lv Zhishu didn't get the cozy mother-son meeting she expected, and He Yu wasn't grateful for her bedside manner.

She didn't expect him to wake up with such a tone of voice and couldn't help but stiffen, "How do you, how do you talk to mommy like that, you boy?"

"And how do you want me to talk to you? A mouthful of honorifics? I'm not in the mood. I'm sick, you know? I'm just pretending to be nice and humble to you, this is my real face, can't take it anymore? If you can't stand it, go back to Yanzhou and find He Li, don't hang around in front of my eyes day after day."

Lv Zhishu suddenly angry, she is wearing a black lace see-through dress today, but the person is too plump, coupled with He Yu angry trembling, look like a trembling fat spider: "...... Mom knows that once upon a time is Mom cold down on you, but you are not to ...... you also not to ......"

"I hope you continue to be cold to me." He Yu's eyes were cold, "I've gotten used to it, do you understand?"

"......"

"Please get out."

Lv Zhishu wanted to say something else, but He Yu's eyes had already become a bit ghastly.

"Get out."

She stumbled a bit, but walked out anyway.

He Jiwei is also back, and Lv Zhishu meets him in the living room when he comes downstairs.

He Jiwei didn't expect to be greeted at the door by a wife who was so angry with her son that she burst into tears.

Lv Zhishu It had been a long time since he had been this weak in front of him.

She walked downstairs, sat down on the couch, drew some tissues, wiped her tears, and twisted her head without looking at He Jiwei.

He Jiwei : "...... you had a fight with him?"

"He just woke up. I wanted to have a good talk with him, I wanted to get him another personal doctor, I've been watching him take too much medication lately, and you know that if this medication ends up wearing off, there's nothing chemical that can be done to control his mental state." Lv Zhishu sniffled and still didn't turn her head, staring at the corner of the coffee table as if it had some deep grudge against her.

"I mean well, I care about him too. I'm his own mom, could I hurt him?"

He Jiwei: "......"

"But he just won't listen, he's so hostile to me." Lv Zhishu drew on a couple more tissues and twiddled her nose loudly; she hadn't been like this when she was younger.

"Lao He, help me persuade him."

Lv Zhishu shed tears again.

"I am really aggrieved ...... you say, you say I am for him, I pay so much, he does not know, I am for him I become this now ...... he treats me like this, how hard is my heart? I am really too aggrieved."

She said, burying her face in her thick, short, fat palms.

"I'm a mom too ......"

Family relationships in the He family are actually very subtle, twisted, and weird. Not at all the kind of atmosphere a normal family should have.

He Jiwei looked at Lv Zhishu for a moment and said with a sullen face, "I'll go up and talk to him."

He Jiwei then went upstairs to He Yu's bedroom.

It is rare for father and son to see each other, and the black-haired man is bedridden, so the next second is probably going to be a scene of the father's hot tears and choked self-reproach. However--

"Pop!"

A loud slap on the face of He Yu, He Jiwei and Lv Zhishu is not the same, he is usually serious, reasonable, but at this moment he is a little tense, went up and scolded him: "He Yu, you learned to seek death, is not it?"

He Yu Sheng suffered this ear scrape, face eyes actually half an inch ripples also did not, just face was hit to the side, and then back to the corner of the mouth there is a vague blood marks.

He Yu then stained the blood and smiled, "My god, why are you back too. I'm not at the point where I need both of you to attend my funeral together, either."

"What nonsense you say!"

"What are you doing backing up."

"......"

He Yu's eyes landed on He Jiwei's shoes, and he saw He Jiwei take an undoubted step back as the teenager's sinister grin widened.

He moved himself slightly, his gaze moving back up to the ceiling.

Still smiling lightly, "Don't be afraid. I'm not already properly tied up by you guys."

He Yu's bed is full of straps, and He Jiwei and Lu Zhishu hide his illness from everyone but themselves. Although He Yu has never brutalized another person or animal in public, almost all the doctors rate his violence on the same scale as that of a psychopathic murderer.

He Jiwei's cheeks puffed up and he said half-heartedly, "It's for your own good."

He Yu moved casually in his restraints and smiled, "Thank you."

He Jiwei : "When did ......'s condition deteriorate so badly and not say so?"

"I seem to be a nervous wreck," He Yu wistfully, "What do you expect me to say?"

"He Yu, I'm afraid you'll have to be sent to a hospital for mandatory quarantine if this continues." He Jiwei lowered his voice, his eyes somewhat complicated, "Do you want to lose your freedom? To be locked up like an animal? Your mom and I hid it for you for so long so that you could be as normal as possible-"

"It's just to be able to make the He Family run as normally as possible, and flourish for a long time." He Yu eyed the ceiling and smiled lightly.

He Jiwei fell silent as if his vocal cords had been cut.

"Instead of becoming the talk of the town after tea one day, saying something like, the He family's eldest son, who looked polished and had good character, turned out to be a lunatic. Hidden so deeply. It turns out that the He family is so lousy - or they're in medicine, they can't even cure their own illnesses."

He turned his head, his hands and feet bound, but he was smiling and had a horrible air, "Am I right? Dad?"

He Jiwei's face was gray and angry, but in that anger there seemed to be a hint of guilt for He Yu after all.

He Yu can't see, his eyes are empty.

"When you guys realized I was sick after giving birth to me, you just strangled me. What's the point of keeping me. You guys are trembling all day long and I'm a zombie every day, it's really meaningless to torture each other."

"He Yu ......"

"You go away; I am not accustomed to have you here; the madness is worse; I cannot hide it in future, and I am afraid I shall be a disgrace to you all."

He Jiwei seems to want to say something soft, but the number of times he meets with his eldest son is pathetically low, and he is in a position of power and command, so softness is far more difficult for him than hardness.

"......"

He Yu turned his face sideways on the bed, not wanting to look at his old man.

The room was terribly quiet.

In the silence, He Jiwei's eyes slowly changed from anger to guilt, from guilt to grief, and from grief to peace.

He's starting to regret the slap he just gave He Yu as soon as he walked in the door.

He really didn't have control in that moment.

He learned that He Yu had fallen off a building - though the floor wasn't very high.

He saw how embarrassed Lv Zhishu was by He Yu.

The exhaustion and anger, the fear and anxiety of his moment were most real, and wrapped around his hand, he smacked it uncontrollably in He Yu's face.

He hadn't accompanied He Yu much, but he really hadn't beaten him either, for the first time.

No matter how indifferent he was to He Yu, they were both father and son, and it would be a lie to say that he wasn't angry when he didn't say anything even after seeing He Yu go crazy to this extent.

He couldn't take it at the moment.

He pulled out a chair and sat down next to He Yu's bed.

Father lowered his head and said nothing, as if he didn't want to say anything to him, just checking He Yu's injuries and--

"Click."

A slight sound.

He Jiwei undoes his restraints.

"......" He Yu opened his eyes.

He Jiwei didn't say anything for another long time after he loosened his straps.

Father and son looked at each other in a terrible silence.

It had been a long time since He Jiwei had set foot in this bedroom, and in the silence he shifted his eyes around, looking around the room before his gaze finally landed on He Yu's empty bed.

He was determined to speak, his tone seemed tired, but it was no longer so harsh and unsympathetic, "...... He Yu. I remember, there was originally a picture of the three of us on your bedside table."

"That's still a picture of you when you were four, isn't it, we took it together in Yellowstone ......"

He Yu also opened his mouth, his tone was still cold, but at least it was back to him, "I've lost that photo for ten years."

"......"

Obviously, it was a villa room with such exquisite decoration, but at this moment, it was as cold as an ice cellar.

He Jiwei sighed and tried to knock a cigarette out to smoke.

He Yu said, "I don't like second-hand smoke. If you want to smoke, then go out and smoke."

"......" He Jiwei coughed and snapped, taking the cigarette back, "I'm not a heavy smoker. Don't smoke anymore. What just happened ...... was my bad, I got excited."

"He Yu, let me stay here with you for a while."

If that had been said ten years ago, He Yu would have gone soft.

Fifteen years ago, He Yu would have even cried.

But now, after all, it is a little too late. He Yu's heart has already developed a thick cocoon, this little bit of meager tenderness will only make him feel that his heart has been disturbed, but he can't perceive any bright emotions.

He Jiwei was quiet for a while, then said, "I know, these years you are very resentful of us, since your brother came to this world, we really accompany you too little, I do not want to argue anything more, do not do well is to do not do well, our negligence of you is really can not be shrugged off a fact."

My father whispered as he played with the unlit cigarette.

"That's not exactly neglect." He Yu said lightly, "It seems more apt to say disgust."

He Jiwei's hand shook.

He also realized that He Yu seemed to have become more ruthless.

In the past, He Yu would not have spoken to him in such a straightforward manner, even if he was disgruntled, the verbal courtesy and politeness was always there.

He Jiwei stared at the thick wool carpet spread in the bedroom and said half-heartedly, "...... He Yu, she is not loathing you."

"She's just sick of her own past."

"......"

The house was so quiet, you could hear the clock ticking.

Time passes, and He Jiwei rubs the cigarette between his fingers, struggling with himself - or rather, he has already decided to have such a conversation with He Yu, but as he sits here in this unfamiliar room, he doesn't know where to begin.

He was silent, deliberating.

Finally he sighed deeply and opened his mouth, "He Yu, there are some things that we never told you before. Because you were still too young, not even an adult at that time, I was worried that after I told you, it would be even harder on you psychologically. As for your mom, that was a very painful scar for her. It's even more unlikely that she'd be able to uncover it herself and draw you into touching it."

"But I think - I've been feeling more and more lately that it's time to tell you." He Jiwei said, "Maybe if you listen to it, you'll be able to be less self-absorbed, and you'll be able to ...... you'll be able to maybe understand her a little bit, too."

"I understand enough--" He Yu sat up suddenly from the bed.

"Just hear me out." He Jiwei said, "I seldom talk to you alone about anything like this. This time please be patient and hear me out, and then, any grievances you have, any resentment you have, you can vent them with me. Is this okay."

"......"

"You're my son, and I know I've always made you sacrifice too much for some things."

There was a long silence, and at last He Yu reclined back between the pillows, raising his hand and arm to shield his eyes, as if not seeing He Jiwei would make him slightly saner.

"Go ahead." Finally he said coldly, "I'm listening."