Playthings, props, moral high ground.

Hanging up the phone, 061 asked him, "Is ...... going to check it out."

Chi Xiaochi: "Of course."

Even though there are many doubts, the identity of this "brother-in-law" has been verified by Dong Ge's mother, so there should not be any discrepancy.

Half an hour later, Chi Xiaochi, wrapped in a long black down coat, sat by the half-frozen ornamental pool in front of the gymnasium, waiting for the anonymous uncle to arrive.

Dong Ge's hair had not been cut for a long time, and was shoulder-length, simply tied back with a black ringlet.

Chi Xiaochi has nothing better to do than to take her hair out of the ringlets and pull up her head in a little balloon.

This is the hairstyle Lou Sifan used to do for Dong Ge.

Dong Ge doesn't like to cut his hair, so in order not to affect the competition, Lou Sifan would always come to his dormitory before the match and give him a pill hair cut.

From the age of 19 to 24, he and Lou Sifan were in an underground relationship for five whole years.

In the meantime, Dong Ge felt quite happy, though occasionally dissatisfied.

In addition to He Zhangsheng, who always stood between them, he had another thing on his mind.

-- Dong Ge doesn't really like it down there.

But every time I mention it to Lou Sifan, Lou Sifan laughs and says, "Next time, next time, next time I'll let you go.

He sounded like a child, and there was no telling when the "next time" would be.

Dong Ge mentioned it a couple of times and then stopped talking about it.

Never mind, he said to himself, it hurt, and Lou Sifan might not be able to handle it.

However, over time, Dong Ge's mindset slowly changed.

He always suspected that he was too sensitive, but Lou Sifan's "friendship" with He Zhangsheng was so long-lasting that even after Lou Sifan was secretly with him, most of the time Lou Sifan would still be in and out of the house with He Zhangsheng.

Dong Ge always followed Lou Sifan like a little follower, staring at He Zhangsheng.

Why doesn't he know how to avoid suspicion?

Doesn't he have any other friends? Why does he have to hog Lou's time?

However, their demeanor did not exceed the rules, truly a pair of mutual respect for each other's best friend, Dong Ge even want to nitpick the bones, looking for a seizure point can not be found.

What is even more unbearable for Dong Ge is that Lou Sifan always compares him with He Zhangsheng, and nothing else but the skating skills that mean so much to Dong Ge, and finally concludes that you are not as good as Zhangsheng, and you have to work harder.

He Zhangsheng is like a needle wedged in Dong Ge's flesh, making him feel a stabbing pain from time to time.

Later, even without Lou Sifan mentioning it, Dong Ge would unconsciously compare and compete with He Zhangsheng.

Obviously, one is pairs skating and the other is singles skating, and their specialties are not conflicting in the least, but Dong Ge just can't help comparing himself to He Zhangsheng.

This negativity festers in the petri dish Lou Sifan has built with his own hands.

Dong Ge grew to hate He Zhangsheng, and this sentiment reached its peak one day.

It was a weekend.

As usual, Lou Sifan went to the pairs training ground to see He Zhangsheng to practice and chat with him, and Dong Ge also followed Lou Sifan as usual.

Since yesterday, Lou Sifan has been in an inexplicably bad mood and hasn't eaten much in the morning.

Dong Ge was afraid that he didn't have enough heat, so after skating for a while, he got up and left the venue, skated to the vending machine, bought a can of hot coffee, and, fearing that the coffee would be cold, held it in his hand and skated back quickly.

Just walking to the sidelines, he saw Lou Sifan's rare black face to He Zhangsheng, posing a questioning stance, "I came to see you yesterday, who was the man you were with?"

Dong Ge stopped and listened intently.

He Zhangsheng's attitude is very light: "A friend introduced me to him, just have dinner with him."

Lou Sifan pressed on, "Just dinner?"

He Zhangsheng said calmly, "I haven't been in love for so many years, try dating. It's just a place, it doesn't mean we have to be together. ...... What are you so nervous about?"

Lou Sifan collected his emotions and smiled gently, only how this smile looked stiff: "I don't feel at ease without me as a gatekeeper."

He asked again, "If it's a date, why a man?"

He Zhangsheng glanced at him, "You discriminate against homosexuals."

Lou Sifan said, "...... I didn't. I just didn't realize you were too ......"

He Zhangsheng : "...... 'too'?"

Lou Sifan : "There are two or three pairs on our team that I know of. It's not unusual."

He Zhangsheng: "Oh."

Lou Sifan paused and asked tentatively, "Would you rather be up there or down there?"

He Zhangsheng ："......八字八字还没动笔，你倒是替我打算得长远。"

As a longtime friend, this question is not offensive to He Zhangsheng.

A small shadow of a smile surfaced on He Zhangsheng's perennial iceberg face, "Haven't thought about it, and I don't intend to try it easily. Might prefer to be on top, and if I like it enough, it wouldn't hurt to be on the bottom."

Lou Sifan said, "If you're good with someone else, it's better to be on top."

He Zhangsheng said, "Why?"

Lou Sifan said in a joking tone, "It's humiliating down there, and it hurts. Even if you're going to be down there, you have to find someone who can hurt."

The coffee Dong Ge was holding felt like it had turned into a branding iron, sticking to his hand and scalding him.

...... "What a shame to be down there."

...... "It still hurts."

So he knew.

Dong Ge suddenly felt that he was a fool who had taken that kind of pain for granted and regarded it as happiness.

He had a fight with Lou Sifan over it.

After learning the reason for his anger, Lou Sifan patiently coaxed him and admitted his mistake, saying that he was just talking casually, not serious, and that he could not let Dong Ge go on the show as a kind of apology.

Although they eventually made up, jealousy and a sense of crisis had crept thickly into Dong Ge's heart.

He grew up being blamed by his parents to such an extent that there was an ingrained notion seared into his mind.

-Unpleasant because one is not good enough.

If you are good enough, then you will be liked.

Even at a young age, having won numerous Grand Prix, both nationally and internationally, and setting records in his country, Dong Ge still felt that it was not enough.

Shortly after this, Dong Ge had an important international event.

While he was preparing for the tournament, something happened: Lou Sifan took him to play with He Zhangsheng.

Since our last conversation, Lou Sifan has gone to see He Zhangsheng significantly more often, and for good reason.

Lou Sifan said gently to Dong Ge, "Zhangsheng is good at choreography, let him, a senior, give you more guidance and your performance will improve greatly."

And during this practice, He Zhangsheng played a set of 4T+3A jumps on the spur of the moment.

Since it's just a practice, He Zhangsheng accomplished this single difficult move quite easily.

Lou Sifan was also quite a fan and laughed, "Zhangsheng, you can break the Asian record with this set of scores."

He Zhangsheng said, "Don't talk nonsense. It's okay to dance in private, but I can't necessarily play so well on the field."

Lou Sifan smiled, turned to Dong Ge and said, "Look at you He seniors, you have to study hard you know."

Dong Ge, sitting on the sidelines, has his head down as he ties the laces of his skates, "...... Uh, yeah, I know."

A few days later, when the coach discussed tactics with him, Dong Ge didn't hesitate: "4lz+3T."

The coach advised him not to take the risk, Dong Ge's jumps are already among the best, but the movement is too difficult, for Dong Ge, stability should be the first priority, and he can fight for the points in the succession of steps.

Dong Ge stubbornly said, "I can do it."

He He Zhangsheng Since he can do it, he must be able to do it himself.

...... That's a decision Dong Ge will regret for the rest of his life.

As He Zhangsheng said, playing on the field and playing in private are two different things.

Under the pressure of being on the road and the atmosphere of the competition, Dong Ge was able to overcome the pressure, and completed the most difficult 4lz maneuver perfectly.

The problem was with the second move.

Due to the lack of control when he landed, he lost his center of gravity, the ice blade went askew, and he fell hard onto the ice.

Dong Ge's coach sighs with regret, lamenting that he will probably lose the trophy this time.

But soon, he realized something was wrong.

Dong Ge lies on his back on the ice, letting the accompanying music play on, unable to climb up.

He exclaimed, and after signaling to the refereeing crew, rushed into the ring.

Dong Ge shivered in pain, curled up in a ball as drops of hot sweat melted into the ice, and murmured, "...... My foot, my foot."

...... The final diagnosis was a severely torn Achilles tendon.

Coach comforted him, it's okay, rest for a year, regroup, practice this line, which body does not have some injuries.

But Dong Ge saw a great deal of regret in the coach's eyes.

This regret crushed Dong Ge.

For the next few days, he refused to talk to anyone who came to visit him, even Lou Sifan.

Faced with Dong Ge's cold face, Lou Sifan was particularly gentle: "I know you are not feeling well. If you don't want to see me, I'll come back in a couple days."

Perhaps because of his sensitivity to injuries, Dong Ge realized many details during his time with Lou Sifan that he hadn't noticed before.

-- Lou Sifan is so gentle.

He was so gentle that he was almost false, as if he could tolerate all Dong Ge's bad behaviors, capriciousness, pride, and silence.

Dong Ge used to think that gentleness was an extremely good character.

He was never angry with Dong Ge, never blamed Dong Ge for his faults, and never quarreled or quarreled with him, so he could not have been a more perfect lover.

However, when you think about it, are lovers who don't bicker, don't get jealous, and don't lose their temper really lovers.

Even at this point, Lou Sifan reassures him with a nonchalant, nonchalant comfort, as if he were gently pushing him away with indifference and drawing a "we don't know each other" line between them.

Three days after Dong Ge was hospitalized, He Zhangsheng, who had just finished his own competition, came to see him.

He Zhangsheng's tone was tinged with dissatisfaction: "How did you get yourself into this situation."

Dong Ge looked at him and asked dumbly, "Where's Lou, didn't he come with you?"

He Zhangsheng Cold and icy, listening to the voice is really angry: "He can always accompany you to go on? Think about what you should do yourself."

Hearing these words, Dong Ge was suddenly filled with aggravation and sourness.

He whispered, "He can."

After saying those two words, he asked himself, "...... Can he."

He Zhangsheng furrowed his two beautiful willow leaf eyebrows, "Huh?"

It was the first time Dong Ge opened up his heart and said so much to He Zhangsheng.

He talked about his love for Lou Sifan, confessed his jealousy of He Zhangsheng, and finally, unable to suppress his emotions, he wrung the corner of the blanket and sobbed softly.

...... I'm jealous, I'm guilty, I'm impulsive, but am I really that guilty?

After He Zhangsheng heard it, his demeanor was a bit abnormal: "Is that so? ...... He didn't tell me about it."

Dong Ge didn't respond for a moment, "...... What?"

He Zhangsheng said, "I've always considered him a friend, and I thought you were a junior in his care."

He asked again, "When did you guys start? Lou never mentioned it to me, you talk to him ......"

Dong Ge was frozen in place.

...... didn't mention it.

What do you mean, "never mentioned it"?

Isn't He Zhangsheng Lou's good friend?

Lou won't let Dong Ge publicize their relationship, well, Dong Ge doesn't say or do anything about it, and doesn't even act intimately with Lou Sifan on the outside.

After all, in this social context, homosexuality is still a niche that cannot be exposed to daylight and talked about freely.

Dong Ge's character is introverted, and he is not someone who is willing to show love generously in front of others.

But he always thought He Zhangsheng knew.

If Lou Sifan hadn't mentioned it, what would his five years have been?

If he hadn't mentioned it, why would he be cynical about He Zhangsheng, who knew nothing about it?

Seeing that Dong Ge did not answer, He Zhangsheng let out a breath and simply said, "I know. I will keep my distance from Lou in the future, I hope you don't mind."

He Zhangsheng left, leaving Dong Ge alone in the hospital room.

About half an hour later, Lou Sifan's call came in.

Dong Ge struggles to pick up his cell phone.

The cell phone is the same one that Dong Ge bought over the wall back then. The quality of the phone is very good, and Dong Ge is nostalgic about it, so he has been using it until now.

Lou Sifan's phone number, had been the first and only number inside.

He picked up the phone, "Hello."

The person on the other end was furious, "Why did you say that to him? Didn't I tell you not to say it? Are you going to ruin me?"

Dong Ge paused, "...... Who are you?"

For a moment, Dong Ge failed to recognize whose voice it was.

Next, Lou Sifan said a lot of things, as if he had concentrated five years' worth of unexpressed anger into one hour, and transformed it into transparent bullets that struck Dong Ge head-on.

Over the phone, Lou Sifan said with real emotion and pain: "You should thank Zhangsheng, he was bullied as a child and has a psychological shadow, for him I protect you. And you? I helped you and took care of you as a child, and this is how you repay me?"

Dong Ge always thought that Lou Sifan just didn't like him enough.

But he didn't realize that Lou Sifan didn't even think of him as a person, but just a good-for-nothing prop.

--When he was small, he was a poor doll that he used to please He Zhangsheng and show his kind and compassionate heart.

--Growing up, he was a good and free inflatable doll.

According to Lou Sifan's complaint, Dong Ge did indeed destroy Lou Sifan and the "friendship" he had so carefully maintained for so many years.

Lou Sifan is so fond of He Zhangsheng that he tries his best to please him.

As a result of this emotional projection, He Zhangsheng notices Dong Ge, who is being bullied, and Lou Sifan begins to pay attention to him as well.

He originally wanted to be a good brother and take good care of Dong Ge, his "little brother", but he didn't realize that one night of drunkenness had led him to ride a tiger in a daze.

It was Dong Ge who caused Lou Sifan to make such a difficult choice; it was Dong Ge who forced him to choose between morality and He Zhangsheng.

For the sake of his "responsibility", he "made a sacrifice" and stayed with Dong Ge to "make up for his mistakes".

He also knows that this "can not give Dong Ge happiness", but do not want to be Chen Shimei, want to break up but can not, can only continue to "kindly remind", let him know how good He Zhangsheng, signaling him to know difficult to retreat.

Only a stupid person like Dong Ge would know what to do and not back down.

Hearing his righteous accusations, Dong Ge didn't even have the strength to be angry.

He lay back on the bed, his tone so calm that he surprised himself, "If you didn't like me, why didn't you say so."

Lou Sifan on the other side of the phone said, "Haven't I been reminding you?"

Then he added, full of pain, "I've taken responsibility for you, isn't that enough? Consider my feelings as well."

Dong Ge Weakly said, "But you've been so good to me ...... You've been praising me, saying I'm good here and there ......"

Is even that a lie?

Lou Sifan said, "I did say that, but it was just a common compliment, and you're overthinking it. Think about it, have I ever said 'I love you' to you from start to finish?"

Dong Ge was silent.

After a moment, he said softly, "Okay. I got it."

He hung up politely.

Twelve whole years of anticipation and adoration from the age of eleven had been reduced to a dream in an hour.

Twelve years, for Dong Ge, is half a lifetime.

Now that it's out of the way, Dong Ge isn't going to beg and plead to get back together.

He's not that cheap. If you don't have a heart, I'll take a break.

He consoled himself in this way and flopped down on his pillow, large tears wetting the pillowcase to a dark color.

...... Why does it hurt so much.

...... It didn't even hurt this much when I tore my Achilles.

Dong Ge couldn't catch his breath from the pain, and murmured consolingly to himself as he tugged dead on the chest position of the hospital gown.

...... It's okay, it's okay, I still have my skates without him.

After a year, Dong Ge returned to the ice after suffering from severe anxiety.

But the aftereffects of a badly torn Achilles tendon and a mind that is no longer subdued have prevented him from ever finding the form he was in at this time last year.

He jumped six moves in a row and failed in all of them.

He fell to his knees on the ice and bawled like a child.

The players who had laughed at his arrogance were unmoved, but there was no Lou Sifan in the group.

...... He never even came to see Dong Ge again.

After six months, Dong Ge, who lives in the psychiatric department, finds a patch of ice that belongs to him in a state of disorientation, treads on thin ice, and crashes into the ornamental lake.

Chi Xiaochi pulls himself out of the memory of the moment before Dong Ge's death and looks back at the ornamental pool behind himself.

The ornamental lake in which Dong Ge was buried, like this pool, was not very deep, and if Dong Ge still had a little desire to live at that time, he would only have to put a little strength into his legs and stand up.

He disbanded his tied up pilled head, his tousled auburn hair was blown up by the wind, his hair was dark and it accentuated his snow white skin, making him look like a little girl.

Chi Xiaochi wiped his face and said in all seriousness, "Fuck me."

061 agreed extremely, "Hmmm."

It was then that a pair of leather shoes came into Chi Xiaochi's field of vision.

Someone whispered, "Dong Ge, is that you?"

Chi Xiaochi gets into the swing of things in seconds.

He looked up, his gaze as melancholy and alert as Dong Ge's when he was a child.

The person in front of me is a not bad looking youth, born very pretty, red lips and phoenix eyes, but there is a unique clean and elegant atmosphere, looking at it calls for comfort in the heart.

Noticing Dong Ge's probing eyes, the visitor extended his palm and courteously said, "My name is Dong Feihong. if you don't mind, you can call me Little Uncle."