Chapter 104: Name Like

He Yu is a very smart person.

But sometimes, he's too stubborn to turn.

For example, if he once decided that he was a straight man, he would insist that the answer was correct, and that Xie Qingcheng was just a small step in the right direction.

Until now, he hadn't realized that maybe Xie Qingcheng was the right answer.

The mistake was his own.

He Yu was stiffening in bed, shocked at his startling discovery, when Xie Qingcheng had thrown his clothes over him.

"Get up."

"......" He Yu simply hasn't regained his senses yet, and obediently dresses according to his request, his eyes completely empty.

When he put on his clothes and got out of bed, he stared at Xie Qingcheng for a while, seeing that Xie Qingcheng was hairy, before he mumbled, "Brother Xie ...... me ...... can I stay a little longer ......"

Xie Qingcheng was completely unaware of the fact that the sky was breaking in his heart right now, and he took He Yu's genuinely panicked plea as capricious.

So he said, "No."

"Xie Qingcheng ......"

Xie Qingcheng did not want to admit or remember the shit they did on New Year's Eve, insisted on kicking him out, and insisted until the end, his face was a little white, and his lips were slightly blue.

"If you really want me to get some rest, you can leave."

"He Yu, you are torturing me by staying here."

"You go."

"可是......" He Yu也不知道自己想说什么, 他在仓皇间想抓住 Xie Qingcheng的手，好像这样就会更容易想通了问题的关键好像。

However, as soon as Xie Qingcheng's burning fingers were touched by him, he instinctively drew them back immediately.

He Yu: "......"

Because Xie Qingcheng was holding back the physical discomfort and fever, when he looked at He Yu, his peach blossom eyes were slightly tinted with a sickly red color.

He pushed He Yu out.

"This can't happen again between us. You go back and be quiet."

"But Xie Qingcheng , I want to talk to you ......"

"Leave me alone too."

Xie Qingcheng had said this to him, and was about to close the door behind him, when Auntie Lai came out.

"Xie, you're up so early with your friend on the first day of the year?"

Xie Qingcheng subconsciously tugged at his collar.

Still, the marks on his neck were too obvious, and there were still several spots of light red showing through.

Seeing Li Miaoqing approaching, He Yu suddenly raised his hand, took off the cream-colored scarf that he was wearing crookedly around his neck, and looped it around Xie Qingcheng's neck. The cashmere scarf was very soft, and instantly wrapped around Xie Qingcheng's exposed position.

Xie Qingcheng himself did not know the situation, just wanted to break away, He Yu tugged the scarf and led him over a little.

"Don't you take it off. I'll cover your hickey."

Xie Qingcheng listened, then realized that he even in so above the position also have traces, I do not know whether it is exasperated or helpless, but also can only surround He Yu's scarf, not move.

Li Miaoqing stopped in front of them, sleepily, "Hey, did you two have a fight last night? Everyone heard the sound of smashing things."

"...... didn't." Xie Qingcheng said.

He Yu : "Auntie, we're watching a video. A war movie."

"Oh ......" Li Miaoqing heard them say that, and no longer thought much about it, yawning.

Xie Qingcheng : "You are up so early today."

He Yu: "......"

Xie Qingcheng : "......"

"If you're up, why don't you come along to Auntie's for breakfast?"

"No." Xie Qingcheng said, he is now hard to body is terrible, to be honest, he only had time to hastily wash a bath this morning, some things are not completely clean, people still have a fever, body a burst of lazy fever, just want to hurry to let He Yu gone, he took advantage of Xie Xue is still accompanying Li Ruoqiu, can be a good wash, and then take the medicine to sleep.

So he said to Auntie Lai, "He's in a hurry and has to go home."

Auntie Lai: "Aiya, Xiao He's leaving already?"

He Yu doesn't want to go.

Xie Qingcheng, however, said, "Yes."

He saw that He Yu was still standing still, stiff and frozen, with no intention of leaving, so he simply clenched his teeth, "I'll see him off."

With that, he took the car keys and pulled He Yu out of Strange Rain Lane, shoving He Yu into his car and getting into the driver's seat himself.

He Yu slightly returned to his senses and looked at him with slightly red eyes, "Brother Xie, you're not feeling well, it's better for me to ......"

"Cut the crap."

Xie Qingcheng buckled his seatbelt, started the engine, and silently drove He Yu to a nearby parking garage.

The old town is not good for parking, He Yu usually parks here if he has to park for a long time.

Xie Qingcheng: "Get off."

If it was before, He Yu would not have cared about how Xie Qingcheng felt, he could stay if he wanted to, he could leave if he wanted to, his own likes and dislikes were the most important thing.

But in this moment, he was apprehensive.

He Yu's brain was buzzing, and he finally got out of the car under Xie Qingcheng's weary yet forceful gaze.

Xie Qingcheng: "Wait a minute."

He Yu's eyes brightened slightly, as if a bright light of hope had been lit in his eyes.

Xie Qingcheng: "Scarf for you."

"......"

The light in He Yu's eyes went out again.

He opened his mouth, still want to say something, but the words have not yet come out, Xie Qingcheng has already thrown the scarf to him, and then closed the window of the car, a foot of gas pedal violently urged, endured the abdomen, waist ...... all over the body of the discomfort, and turned around to go back, leaving He Yu a person to stand in the original place of dumbfounded.

He Yu pestled for a long time before he silently went and found his car and got in.

It's a beautiful and comfortable Lambo, but sitting in it doesn't feel as real as sitting in Xie Qingcheng's passenger seat.

He didn t want to go home at all ...... didn t want to go back to that grave ...... so he just went, bewildered, round and round the streets of the old town.

He kept thinking about what happened last night, about what happened before, about the beast in his chest that had just learned his name, about ...... the "like" that he couldn't even digest for a moment.

His whole heart was in turmoil.

At the beginning of the year there were not many people on the way, He Yu drove the car, from day to night, and finally he pulled over to the side of the road, turned on the stereo, and lay on the seat with his eyes wide open in my heart's eternity, thinking about the past, and the past, like a tidal wave, rose up over the mouth of his heart.

Does he really like Xie Qingcheng?

Since when?

Does he love him?

But where does that love come from?

Is it because you like his body? Is it because like attracts like? Or did he unknowingly fall in love with Xie Qingcheng's body and mind?

He Yu was sleepy, confused and disoriented, trying to scrutinize what had happened in the past.

--

He thought of Xie Qingcheng who had actively pressed against him and kissed him in bed last night.

He thought of Xie Qingcheng in the reservoir, lying on his back in the water, telling him all the truth in song.

He thought of Xie Qingcheng under the flowering trees, who could only take the opportunity to act in the police uniform he could never actually wear.

He thought of Xie Qingcheng, who lit a cigarette in a cave in Neverland and said faintly that he couldn't remember what his dream was.

He Yu thought of Xie Qingcheng's obstinate eyes in the clubhouse, still holding on after the drug and alcohol had kicked in, looking at him that stubbornly. He said--

"He Yu, you come back with me. I can tell you whatever you want to know."

But it was on that day ...... that he first and Xie Qingcheng cast love debt love hate that night, that Xie Qingcheng painstakingly retrieve his night ...... he poured a cup of red wine, humiliating, all poured in the Xie Qingcheng snow white lapel.

He Yu thought of himself putting his glass down, across the dim light, the wide few, he tricked him into pulling the hook, smiling and touching his face.

And then said, "You've lied to me so badly, do you think, I'll ever trust you again."

Yes, Xie Qingcheng had lied to him and abandoned him.

But he did not know that Xie Qingcheng s body was already so broken that he could not even load his own joys and sorrows ...... but he still gifted the last bright light to him.

He Yu remembers that all along, Xie Qingcheng has been telling him to be calm, to overcome his own demons, to rely on himself, and to come out of his inner shadow.

This is the only gift that Xie Qingcheng, as the spirit Ai Bola 初号, can give to his kind, and it is also the last gift.

He was the one who told He Yu that mentally ill people should be treated equally.

It was he who told He Yu to find the bridge to reconnect with the community.

It was he who said to He Yu, "Kid, you have to be strong.

He Yu thus tries his best to grow up to be a teenager who doesn't look too different from ordinary people, and he even wants to convey this idea to every sick person who is in deep pain.

Only because Xie Qingcheng once said that the life of a psychopath is no different from the life of a normal person.

The He family owns a nursing home, a small piece of the consortium's meat, which He Jiwei leaves to He Yu for practice. He Yu turned the sanatorium into a semi-charitable organization, giving maximum help to the many psychologically challenged people who came to him for help.

Only because Xie Qingcheng once said that cages are for prisoners, not for patients who have already suffered too much.

He had staggered after Xie Qingcheng's departure, and then staggered back to his feet, clinging to the idea of returning to his normal social group; he hadn't hurt himself again for a long time, and he struggled to restrain his emotions, the art knife he used to keep attached to his wrist, discarded in the olden days.

Just because Xie Qingcheng once asked him, Kid, don't you hurt ......

You ......

Doesn't it hurt ......

Was that when the seed of admiration was planted?

Was he not only in love with Xie Qingcheng's body, but also with that person's soul?

What is that man s soul like ...... He had only listened into his ears before, but not completely into his heart.

At this moment, He Yu breathing heavily, the tattoo on his wrist once imitated Xie Qingcheng pierced, as if at this moment turned into a black ribbon to guide the way, guiding him to move forward ...... he followed the ribbon to move forward.

Ribbons fluttered, the fog dispersed, and in front was Xie Qingcheng's figure, which He Yu saw more clearly than anyone else at this moment.

The long sleepers of this place, the reputation of the book on the water ......

The teenager finally tries to empathize with the man, he finally seeks the back of Xie Qingcheng in his own heart ...... He sees that this is such a man, a man who gave him faith, who gave him help, who gave him all the blood-stained experience of overcoming the mental Ai Bola disease.

He saw the man suppress his pain and say calmly, relentlessly, and decisively, "Where is the life of a mentally ill patient as important as that of a doctor."

Is it duplicitous?

No.

It's not.

He Yu had already realized that it was the most bone-chilling despair.

Deepest Guilt.

He Yu finally realized that Xie Qingcheng, who had made him hate him so much in the clubhouse, was actually asking Qin Ciyan -- Teacher, where is my life as important as yours?

It was as if he heard Xie Qingcheng saying--

I'm just a patient.

I'm a body you pieced together from a pool of blood.

You are the unrivaled scholar of the country, the sage of the apricot grove, you have a wife, you have a daughter, you have unfinished writings, you have unfinished dreams.

Why did you tell those people that they should come to you first when something goes wrong?

Why are you standing in my way?

He Yu suddenly understands everything and can see everything ......

He saw the old man looking at Xie Qingcheng from the perspective of a third person, saw the old man not speaking, smiling, looking at him wordlessly, tolerantly, as he had done every time in the past when he had seen Xie Qingcheng voicing his doubts and confusion.

He Yu remembered what Xie Qingcheng had told him at the studio reservoir, that the old man was getting older and older, his heart was getting softer and softer, and his temper was getting better and better.

If Yi Beihai's knife hadn't stabbed him in the flesh, he would have lived out his days with his wife, and Xie Qingcheng could have brought him a bouquet of lilies in a wicker basket in his study when he visited.

But later, Xie Qingcheng was no longer even qualified to lay a bouquet of flowers at the old man's grave.

Xie Qingcheng looked at his monument from afar, all to be driven away by the teachers and siblings.

But He Yu knows that he has no regrets.

--This is the soul of Xie Qingcheng.

When a man mechanically spits out those bone-chilling sentences, he is pushing himself into the abyss.

He hated the so-called weaklings who kidnapped doctors and demanded that they go and die for their patients, and he worried about the naïve, reckless, and overly kind mentors and siblings who didn't know how to protect themselves.

Or rather, they dare not speak a word, "Can doctors be protected because a doctor's life is also a life, a doctor is also a human being with a family, a wife and children, a daughter and a mother. Can we not be praised but forced to use blood to deserve that praise."

It wasn't supposed to be like this, he thought.

So he sacrificed his honor and buried his career.

--This is the soul of Xie Qingcheng.

He paid the price, as Qin Ciyan had protected him, by protecting those behind him who were dressed in white, tired, busy, full of zeal, and harboring ideals.

All along, He Yu thought that Xie Qingcheng hated patients and was afraid of them.

But what he loathes is really himself.

Unbeknownst to him, He Yu has always respected the mentally ill and protected those who are suffering psychologically and physically, and Xie Qingcheng is one of them.

It's the one closest to him.

--This is the soul of Xie Qingcheng.

Like ......

Like ......

Such a man, such a heart, such a soul ......

The giant beast in his chest had a name and was circling frantically in his heart cavity.

It was as if he had looked down through the eyes of this fae beast on the man who had been cross-eyed in the hospital at that time, and had seen that man and the transparent spirit of Qin Ciyan looking at each other from afar, and around them were floating ancient water sprites, swimming from the Brooklyn years to the present day.

Then Qin Ciyan turned around, the old man put his hands in the pockets of his white coat, and slowly walked away, his back from the hobbling of an old man, to the calmness of a strong man, and finally to youth, a young student in the United States, a thick stack of books under his arm, he smiled and looked at the water sprites that were flying around in the sky, and then finally turned back to Xie Qingcheng, who was not able to catch up with him, and bloomed a bright smile. He finally turned back to Xie Qingcheng, who could not catch up with him, and opened a wide smile.

"Shay, I don't need any reason to save you, because I know you'll do what I'm going to do, and if you live, that means I live too."

"You are my trust, my child, my apprentice, my comrade in arms, you are the hope I leave behind. I am old, and the old must always go, and the old leaves should fall for the protection of the new. Once upon a time my masters, too, sacrificed their time, their heart and soul, and then came what came after me."

The sun set over Brooklyn and shone down on the youth, who waved at him in his European suit and grin, before disappearing into a golden glow.

He Yu saw Xie Qingcheng stop.

Not going after it.

Xie Qingcheng's footsteps stop.

Dr. Xie watched Dr. Qin disappear little by little, like looking at the cold corpses of his parents in the rainy night, the light of the sky was like an arrowhead, like a rainstorm, like fireworks, like the light that that person had cast in his life, shining on his face at this moment, his expression suddenly shattered and branched out, and he stood stiffly. Standing for a long time.

He Yu knew that Xie Qingcheng couldn't go to Brooklyn.

He must go back. He must look back.

So Dr. Shea lifted his hand and, silently, mercilessly, put on the mask called "betrayer", "coward", "deserter". Turning around, he turned back to face the others. A sad, resolute, determined gaze came out from behind the mask.

He walks back, in the opposite direction from Qin Ciyan.

He walked out into the unending darkness.

By the fire that burned his body, by the blade that killed his heart, step by step, he walked with unshakable determination.

He Yu looked at ...... him through the eyes of that foreign beast and finally saw it all so clearly that Xie Qingcheng s every step was like knocking at his heart.

--This is the real Xie Qingcheng.

Xie Qingcheng, known to He Yu.

Like. Like.

Loved the man's body, the man's heart, he loved the man's scars and sores, he loved his diseased body's mutilation.

Like.

Love ......

The beast that made him see everything, everything about himself, everything about Xie Qingcheng, so clearly-

So, at the end of the long night, before the dawn came.

The teenager finally rasped, to the fragile, light morning.

Mumbling with hindsight, he said, "Xie Qingcheng ......"

"Don't you ...... hurt ......"

Xie Qingcheng, don't you hurt ......

All these years.

You, does it hurt?

Are you ...... alone ......