Chapter 136: Extra

Gu Mian may have been emotionally unavailable since childhood, but he first realized he was different from the norm the day he learned of his mother's death.

He was at school that day when the homeroom teacher called him out and told him, with a grimace, that your mother had died in a hunting program, and that your father was being resuscitated.

He didn't take the sudden news very seriously, and when he was picked up by his father's subordinates and rushed to the hospital, he didn't cry, didn't make a fuss, and obediently sat on a bench outside the emergency room.

A lot of people came to comfort him, but he didn't cry, he was so absorbed in his own world that they seemed superfluous.

When his mother was buried, Gu Mian did not cry, but his father, who was always a strong man, had red eyes and tried to shed tears several times.

Later, Gu Mian heard some people say behind his back that he was so mean that he didn't even shed a tear when his own mother died.

In fact, Gu Mian shed tears, not on the day he learned of his death, nor on the day of his burial, but on a very ordinary day, he found that his mother's dishes in the microwave oven were moldy and emitted a pungent stench that not only stung his nose but also stung his eyes, and only after he disposed of the dishes did he realize that he had burst into tears at some point in time.

He'll never eat his mom's hand-cooked meals again.

Until this time, he had never associated his mother with death.

After his wife left the family, Admiral Gu refused to remarry, and he used his best militaristic tactics to educate Gu Mian, a schedule down to the minute that was full of study, exercise, meals, recreation, and more.

A schedule that an adult might not be able to stick to is easily adapted by six- and seven-year-old Gu Mian.

He loved the feeling of having everything planned out, whether it was going to school or going into battle, every step of his life was done in order, and so was his marriage.

But then again, it's not.

The impact of the high pheromone matching was not expected by Gu Mian, because of the pheromone, he was more patient with Li Songyun, and was able to listen to all kinds of trivial and useless information from Li Songyun in a calm manner.

When Li Songyun first married into the Gu family, he was as chirpy as a little sparrow; he carried boxes of his own clothes to the Gu family, and while busily organizing them, he said to Gu Mian, "I haven't worn these clothes a few times, and, ah, you haven't seen me wear them, so they're new clothes in your case.

The sunlight was good, brilliantly filling the room, the tiny dust particles raised by the shaking of the clothes looked like laughing elves in the halo of light, and the little fluffy hairs on Li Songyun's face as he crumpled up his thoughts were clearly visible under the light, and I don't know whether it was because of the heat from organizing his things or because he was a bit shy in the face of his new husband, but his face was slightly red, a little bit like a fuzzy peach.

At that time, when Li Songyun was nervous, he would easily talk too much and blush, this kind of performance was secretly ridiculed by people, saying that the clothes Li Songyun wore were cheap and rustic, saying that Li Songyun was too small to be on the stage, in short, all of them were not very nice words, and these words were passed on to Gu Mian's ears by people who had ulterior motives.

Looking at the omega who was subtly mocking his wife, Gu Mian felt a sudden surge of emotion and told the omega to "get lost".

That omega ended up running out in tears, I don't know if she was crying from fear or what.

Gu Mian digests his anger in silence, like a suppressed fire. Having been marked for life, alpha is naturally protective of his partner, and the moment Li Songyun is vilified, Gu Mian's anger is like his own treasure being smashed and damaged.

For years, Gu Mian's emotions were like a pool of stagnant water, and Li Songyun was the stone that could easily break the calm.

Realizing this, Gu Mian began to feel uneasy; he disliked the feeling of his emotions being dictated by pheromones, and the feeling of being out of control disgusted and frightened him.

He chooses to distance himself from Li Songyun, rarely approaching her except for routine contact during the estrus and susceptibility periods, a respectful mode of living that allows Gu Mian to immerse himself in his own world, free from outside interference.

He thought he had the relationship under perfect control, but in fact, everything changed from the day Li Songyun divorced him.

On the first day of his divorce from Li Songyun, Gu Mian had a fever.

It had been a long time since he had been sick, let alone a minor illness like a fever.

At first Gu Mian didn't realize he was sick; he went to work as usual, sitting at his desk and sorting out paperwork that had nothing to do with work.

Gu Mian is analyzing the reasons why Li Songyun divorced him and he wants to know what the problem is.

He writes about how he never asked Li Songyun about his personal life, how he did not comfort Li Songyun when Gu Tunan was in danger, how he asked Li Songyun to overcome the effects of pheromones and leave him plenty of personal space, and a host of other things he can recall.

Gu Mian's memory is so good that the document is still unfinished after fifteen full pages.

When Mo Zhong would come over to chat with Gu Mian and accidentally saw this document, he was shocked for a whole minute before he finished organizing his words and said to Gu Mian, "Lao Gu, you are really going too far."

Mo Zhong will scratch his hair, it is difficult to describe his feelings at this moment in words, "You ...... If you really want to go for self-reflection in this form, why don't you categorize all of these things, some of them are the husband's failures, and some of them are the failures of being a father."

"You are also remiss in your role as a father, do you have weekly recreational activities with your children? Have you ever driven your children to and from school and tutored them in their homework ......"

Gu Mian was silent for a long time, and he chose to leave early to go to Gu Peifeng's school after listening to what Mo Zhong would say.

The divorce agreement between him and Li Songyun is clearly planned, Monday to Friday Gu Peifeng and Li Songyun are together, double days Gu Peifeng goes to Gu's house, today is not the day he is going to pick up Gu Peifeng and bring him home, it is logical that he is not supposed to go to Gu Peifeng's school.

It wasn't until Li Songyun, dressed in red, came into view that Gu Mian realized it was pheromones that drove his decision.

He wants to see Li Songyun.

Across the sea of people, that a red dress awakened his first smell Li Songyun pheromone memory, elegant like camellia.

When Li Songyun was young, she wore red, like a red camellia blooming in spring, romantic and charming.

Perhaps it was because Li Songyun was wearing red when he first smelled Li Songyun's pheromones, and Li Songyun in red was like a ball of fire that could easily burn his emotions, so he asked Li Songyun not to wear red anymore.

After all these years, when this red color falls on Li Songyun again, it is more like a cup of mellow red wine, which is already slightly drunk before it is even consumed.

At this time, the sky was filled with evening sunlight, reflecting Gu Mian's gray-blue eyes, as if a candle flame had been knocked over in the night.

Gu Mian watched Li Songyun move further and further away, and he could feel part of the lifelong mark he had left on Li Songyun being washed away.

This realization made him feel as if a piece of his heart had been plucked out.

He finally realized beyond any doubt that Li Songyun would never come back.

Gu Mian suddenly felt very cold, this time the temperature difference between day and night is big, Gu Mian only wore a thin shirt, he thought maybe this is the reason why he felt cold.

Gu Mian got on the hovercar, he got off work early today, an hour earlier than the normal time for him to go home, he didn't want to go home at the moment, and he didn't know where he was going, he was going with the flow of the city at the beginning of the lights, and the neon lights of the busy city shone through the window on his reddened face.

When Li Songyun got out of the car in front of him, Gu Mian realized that he had unconsciously followed Li Songyun all the way.

Li Songyun stepped out of the car, and a man in a doll's costume suddenly made a series of funny gestures before magically pulling out a handful of flowers made of lollipops and delivering them to Gu Peifeng.

Gu Peifeng said something to Li Songyun with a surprised look on his face, and when Li Songyun nodded, Gu Peifeng excitedly hugged the flowers.

The man in the piggyback suit took off his heavy hood, revealing a head of white hair dampened with sweat, and a stern, handsome face.

That's Jiao Jian.

Gu Mian looked at Jiao Jian and Li Songyun as they walked side by side, talking and laughing, while Gu Peifeng walked in the center of the group holding a gift, making the trio look more like a harmonious family.

-- "He's my brother."

-- "We've known each other since we were teenagers, and you don't know him because you've never followed my life, learned about my past, or reached out to my friends."

On the night of signing the divorce agreement, Gu Mian tried to get to know Li Songyun's friends, he watched the recording screen about npc Lu En in the holographic game test, and learned about Jiao Jian's biography in reality. In fact, he didn't need to analyze the situation by himself, as long as he searched for the names of Jiao Jian and Li Songyun on the Star Network, he could get a series of interpretations of love made up by netizens with excellent imagination. In fact, there is no need for him to analyze it himself. Just search for the names Jiao Jian and Li Songyun on the Internet, and you will get a series of love interpretations from netizens with their excellent imagination.

"Love is Armor", "Love Gives Jiao Jian Courage and Strength", "Fighting for Love" ......

Gu Mian watched Li Songyun's back disappear completely into the sea of people, and he slowly withdrew his line of sight.

His eyes were a little open.

Probably because he hasn't closed his eyes for the past two days.

It had taken him a long time to get used to the omega sleeping next to his bed, he remembered the way that omega had carefully told him "I like to sleep with pillows", and he also remembered the first time that omega had pressed his leg against his body, leaving a warm and cool temperature on him with his high body temperature.

When Li Songyun wrote to him on the front lines during her pregnancy, she made a reference to the fact that she had bought a cliff cypress-flavored pillow, saying that the smell of cliff cypress would improve the quality of her sleep, and added that it could still be his cliff cypress-flavored pheromones that were the most hypnotic.

It might not be his pheromone hypnosis, it's just that Li Songyun is used to the smell.

Not only Li Songyun, but him as well, he was used to the faint scent of camellia on Li Songyun's body, and the warmth of her body heat.

When he finally got used to Li Songyun's existence and arranged Li Songyun into his life, planning out every day with Li Songyun's existence, Li Songyun suddenly withdrew and left.

The righteous, dry departure left only a large, abrupt gap in his life schedule.

Mo Zhong will say that Li Songyun left him because her heart died, and Gu Mian tries to understand what it feels like to have a dead heart.

He supposed he still couldn't understand it now.

For surely when the heart is dead, it will no longer perceive pain.

Instead, at the moment, he felt pang after pang, long and lingering pain.

*

Returning home, Gu Mian saw the table filled with steaming hot meals, and when Wang's sister-in-law saw him arrive, she immediately asked, "Do you want something to eat, sir?"

"No need." Gu Mian refused.

"You've been drinking nutrient solution for the past few days, your face looks worse." Sister-in-law Wang didn't dare to persuade more, "I've made some soup for you, let me know if you want to drink it."

Gu Mian went back to his study to continue his office, he didn't drink the nutrient solution, he didn't want to eat anything right now, he even regurgitated a bit.

Many people know that Gu Mian likes to drink nutrient solution, but only a few people know that Gu Mian's habit of drinking nutrient solution was developed when his mother died.

For him, it wasn't the taste of the food that mattered, but more importantly the people he dined with.

Admiral Gu seldom came home, Gu Mian dined almost every day with her mother, who was not a very good cook, and did not cook well; she seemed to be born with no knowledge of this aspect of cooking, and even if she was taught by hand, the food she produced could only be brought up to a level where it could be swallowed.

"How does it taste", "Eat more", "Don't be picky", "What do you want to eat tomorrow?" ......

A small table with two dishes and a soup, and his mother's ramblings, is Gu Mian's entire conception of a meal.

Since her mother's death, Gu Mian has become more accustomed to drinking the nutrient solution alone, a habit that was broken when Li Songyun appeared on the scene.

He and Li Songyun have started a new family, and it is Gu Mian's insistence that family members should eat together, as he believes that this is the only way for a family to feel like a family.

Li Songyun's cooking was very good. When he and Li Songyun sat down to eat together, Li Songyun would ask him, "Is it good?", "Do you want it to be salty or light?", "When are you coming home tomorrow? When are you coming home tomorrow?" ......

Once upon a time when the ventilation system wasn't as good, the smell of grease and smoke would overflow the entire house when my mother was busy in the kitchen every day.

Now that the kitchen was well ventilated, he could only detect a faint odor of smoke and fire from Li Songyun, who was wearing an apron.

Li Songyun pursed her lips nervously and asked to him, who was still eating, "Gu Mian, are you enjoying my cooking?"

Do you like it?

It seems that at the very beginning, he could not say whether he liked or was indifferent to Li Songyun's cooking; he believed that husbands had to eat what their wives cooked, and that wives had the obligation to cook for their husbands.

When did this feeling change? Perhaps it was when he came home one time, saw Li Songyun and his child sitting at the dinner table, and heard Li Songyun softly say to Gu Hongxuan, "We're going to wait for Daddy to come back to eat together."

The food was steaming on the table, and Gu Hongxuan turned his head to see him return, exclaiming in surprise, while Li Songyun smiled back at him.

At that moment, he realized that his insistence on returning home on time suddenly had renewed meaning.

*

Gu Mian has a fever.

Maybe it's not being soothed by a partner during a susceptible period, maybe it's being overly tired during this time, or maybe it's wandering the streets alone late at night after leaving Li Songyun's new home ......

The first person to notice his abnormality was Mrs. Wang, who brought soup into Gu Mian's study and saw a strange redness on Gu Mian's face, and a temperature of 39 degrees.

Sister-in-law Wang said, "Madam left her fever-reducing medicine at home two days ago, and now it's just right for you, sir."

"Li Songyun has a fever?" Gu Mian asked.

Wang Sister-in-Law hesitated for a while and finally couldn't help but say, "The day Madam proposed to divorce you she had a fever, and for the first time Madam said she wanted to rest for a while and wasn't going to cook."

"Madame never said she wanted to rest before when her body was even harder."

"But that day Admiral Gu asked Madame to finish cooking dinner for you before resting."

After Wang's sister-in-law left the room, Gu Mian was the only one left in the room, his head ached terribly, his body was cold, but his stomach felt like there was some kind of fire burning it, making him feel a sense of regurgitation.

Fever is tough.

His groggy brain once again resounded with Mrs. Wang's words, "I was in the kitchen and saw that Madam was so sad that her hands were shaking as she cut the vegetables."

Gu Mian propped up his drowsy head, his palms covering his eyes, revealing a jawline that remained cold and calm. After a long time, Gu Mian opened the document and added a new line to the fifteen-page document: "Li Songyun is required to complete his chores while he is sick."

After drinking the medicine, Gu Mian lies alone in his empty bed.

When he was sick and injured, Li Songyun would sit in front of his bed, gently massaging his temples and humming a tune for children.

At that time, Li Songyun had just given birth to her first child, Gu Hongxuan was lying in the cradle, he was lying in the hospital bed, Li Songyun looked at the child in the cradle, couldn't help but show a gentle smile, and then leaned over to quietly kiss the child's forehead.

The warm yellow light shone on the robe-clad omega, gilding his skin with a flawless light, a scene so beautiful it seemed like an oil painting.

-- "You can also list what you didn't do, such as did you praise your wife often, show your love for your wife, and send her gifts that you hand-picked ...... Not gifts of money, but gifts in kind."

--"No? Hasn't Li Songyun touched your heart once in all these years together?!"

What it means to have a heartbeat.

-- "I can't explain this kind of stuff to you, what's going on, I'm turning into a soul brother with you ...... That is, you suddenly want to kiss him and hug him ......"

- "Forget it, according to your kind of character, how could you possibly be moved."

Gu Mian closed his eyes.

Taking the moment he first met Li Songyun as the starting point, and ending with Li Songyun leaving without a second thought, he had had many moments of wanting to get closer to Li Songyun in this entire twenty-six year long dimension of time.

But he was never faithful to his desires.

He just restrained his emotions again and again, drawing a clear line between himself and Li Songyun.

He didn't want anyone's departure to be able to affect his emotions anymore, he didn't want to suffer the pain of loss and bone-deep loneliness.

His father only told him that soldiers need to be sensible and calm, and that exposing preferences is the same as exposing weaknesses.

But never told him that love is more than a weakness, it can be armor.

*

Gu Mian opens a dialog box with Li Songyun, who has removed him from his blacklist since he agreed to divorce her, and their chat page is now empty.

He has a lot of things to say to Li Songyun, but do not know how to start, deliberated for a long time, he said your fever medicine left at home, asked Li Songyun fever is gone.

After a while, Li Songyun replied, "Thanks for your concern, I'm fine now, may I ask what's wrong with you?"

At the same time, the system popped up a reminder of Li Songyun's latest news.

When Gu Mian saw the photos of Li Songyun and Gu Peifeng playing wildly at the amusement park, he could have guessed who was taking their photos even without looking at the tall shadow cast on the ground in one of the photos.

Li Songyun: [May we all run to love, ideals and tomorrow.]

The last photo shows Li Songyun smiling happily as he heads for a promising tomorrow.

And Li Songyun's yearning for tomorrow does not include him.

Gu Mian suddenly understands one thing: just as food spoils, feelings stored in the heart will irreversibly rot and stink.

Just as it was impossible for him to eat the moldy plate of rice he'd forgotten in the microwave, it was impossible for Li Songyun to come back to him.

During these twenty-six long years, he had countless opportunities to get Li Songyun back, but he missed them all.

The line he drew between himself and Li Songyun has now become an unbridgeable chasm.

He couldn't cross that chasm, so all he could do was watch Li Songyun walk farther and farther away, and at most say, "I'm sorry, and I wish you happiness for the rest of your life."